How To Find Love (The Ultimate Search)

How To Find Love (The Ultimate Search)
Feb 23rd 2022 by Ị̀fèdị̀

On that bright afternoon, the sun was smiling so hard on us, we couldn't smile back though, seated on the concrete pavement under the shade of the swaying tree I gazed into nothingness, lost in no-man's land when this "couple" walked by arguing about something...

Boy: I'm telling you the truth, love always elude me, I've never found nor experienced that "stuff".

Girl : come on! a fine bro like you? It's not true.

They were arguing excitedly, the high-pitched tone of each speaker brought me back from my long gaze into the present, I wondered... Love again, huh? A never-ending story!

Dear reader, I'll begin by asking, were you raised to find love? with an idea that love was to be sought after, somewhere or somehow? Or Did you grow up in an environment where acts of love were common place?

A common truth is that in the process of growth we basically reflect our environment , it takes intentionality to do otherwise as adults. If it is true that children are majorly imitators, then who'd tell how many imitations has formed our habits and the core of our beings as adults. Habits die hard.

Love is a fundamental human right, even though it's probably not stated explicitly by the UN convention but Christ told us to love our neighbours like we do ourselves, so love is a command.

We do ourselves a disservice when we fundamentally go about seeking for love or who to love us, it's a flawed approach to happiness or fulfillment. Yes, we can crave companionship, mutual respect, healthy relationships etc, these are natural to man but seeking for full validity or fulfillment basically from outside might set you up for an unending cycle of feelings of emptiness.

Romantic movies are a part of the reason why we mostly neglect the love shown by family or great friends and continue on this never-ending pursuit, no wonder we sometimes get disappointed when we "find" and then after about 2months it looks as if nothing really happened.

Children who grow in an environment where acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch & other forms of love languages were common seem to have a hold on their emotions and how attached it is to events/people than those who rarely had this experience.

Note, however, that this has little or nothing to do with the financial status of a family, there are rich loveless homes and poor love-filled homes just like there are rich love-filled homes and poor loveless-homes.

Now, everyone didn't grow up in a traditional home setting & it is understandable that life dealt us different strokes, so our approach to the whole love convo will always differ.

One might ask, but we're no longer kids, how do we address this issue now?

Firstly, know that no one really has to be blamed in this case, we'd easily point fingers at our parents/guardians, but truth is, some of them actually did their best with what they knew and the circumstances surrounding them at that time, however, I agree there were extreme cases of wickedness, I condemn them.

The focus is that as much as we can, we should improve on past flaws/mistakes, even as we make ours. Yes, you're human.

The idea that love should be found is really beautiful for a good wedding love story and probably for blockbuster romantic movies, however, what happens is that love is a generic term used to define what we find.

Identifying love around you, being lovable and your ability to express this love that's been shed abroad within your heart is primary to any other ultimate search you might want to embark on.

Ideally, the best way is not to "search" for love like your life depends on it, express it from within.

Love yourself, raise kids in love, treat people with dignity and love, you might be the reason someone believes in humanity again. In the quest for companionship and romantic relationships, do not outsource your validation & importance to another, it always never ends well.

share this post


Human, a believer and social commentator. Sold out to everything that promotes wholesome relationships, a beautiful family life, and in extension a better society.